I know I paint a happy picture of my life, but the truth is I have been struggling lately with so many changes going on, and I just need to get some of my thoughts out.
It was the hardest thing I've ever done to move away from my family and friends, three years ago. I felt so alone in this big city, and I thought I would never find "kindred spirits" like my friends in St. George had been. As out-going as I am, you think I would fit right into my new ward and neighborhood, but I didn't. I cried myself to sleep so many nights feeling like I didn't have a single friend. It's just been so difficult for me to make connections with some of the women in my neighborhood since they are older and already have their own circle of friends. But guess what, the Lord heard my countless prayers and sent me two angels who have literally lifted me up spiritually and emotionally again and again. The reason I am struggling so much right now is because these two special individuals have both just moved away, and it's never easy to say good-bye to friends who have had such a positive influence on your life.
Here I am with Kim Williams, who was my amazing visiting teaching companion. She's just moved across the valley, so I'm lucky we'll still be able to have girls night out, but dang I'm still going to miss her! Serving with Kim has been a tremendous blessing in my life. 
And of course, here's my running partner and dear friend, Kathy Allen, who has just moved to St. Louis so her husband could complete his residency. I'm excited for their family and the great experiences they will have yet to come. I don't know if Kathy will ever know the impact she has had on my life. She's a pretty remarkable woman!
Besides having to say good-bye to two of my best friends, Wade and I have been on an insane roller coaster with his "potential" jobs, I've had some health problems to deal with, my kids are driving me crazy, and with the stress of having my sister live with us, I'm just emotionally exhausted with it all. Don't get me wrong, I know I am SO blessed, but right now, I feel like I need a break from...life! Can anyone hook me up with free plane tickets to Hawaii AND find me a babysitter while I escape for a week?! Because that would be so great!
Honestly, the last three years have been the most difficult I've ever experienced, but I feel so fortunate to be a wife and mother, to have friends and family who care about me, to have the good news of the Gospel, to have my health, and to finally feel "at home" here in Salt Lake, I really can't complain. But that doesn't mean I can't cry when life gets really hard. Some days I don't even know if I'm going to make it. I do cry, but I also smile. I guess that's all I can ask for.
It was the hardest thing I've ever done to move away from my family and friends, three years ago. I felt so alone in this big city, and I thought I would never find "kindred spirits" like my friends in St. George had been. As out-going as I am, you think I would fit right into my new ward and neighborhood, but I didn't. I cried myself to sleep so many nights feeling like I didn't have a single friend. It's just been so difficult for me to make connections with some of the women in my neighborhood since they are older and already have their own circle of friends. But guess what, the Lord heard my countless prayers and sent me two angels who have literally lifted me up spiritually and emotionally again and again. The reason I am struggling so much right now is because these two special individuals have both just moved away, and it's never easy to say good-bye to friends who have had such a positive influence on your life.
Here I am with Kim Williams, who was my amazing visiting teaching companion. She's just moved across the valley, so I'm lucky we'll still be able to have girls night out, but dang I'm still going to miss her! Serving with Kim has been a tremendous blessing in my life. And of course, here's my running partner and dear friend, Kathy Allen, who has just moved to St. Louis so her husband could complete his residency. I'm excited for their family and the great experiences they will have yet to come. I don't know if Kathy will ever know the impact she has had on my life. She's a pretty remarkable woman!Besides having to say good-bye to two of my best friends, Wade and I have been on an insane roller coaster with his "potential" jobs, I've had some health problems to deal with, my kids are driving me crazy, and with the stress of having my sister live with us, I'm just emotionally exhausted with it all. Don't get me wrong, I know I am SO blessed, but right now, I feel like I need a break from...life! Can anyone hook me up with free plane tickets to Hawaii AND find me a babysitter while I escape for a week?! Because that would be so great!
Honestly, the last three years have been the most difficult I've ever experienced, but I feel so fortunate to be a wife and mother, to have friends and family who care about me, to have the good news of the Gospel, to have my health, and to finally feel "at home" here in Salt Lake, I really can't complain. But that doesn't mean I can't cry when life gets really hard. Some days I don't even know if I'm going to make it. I do cry, but I also smile. I guess that's all I can ask for.
17 comments:
Sorry things have been rough for you. I know about friends moving. In Vegas it is really transistional and last year 3 of my good friends moved. It was really hard, especially because they had kids that were my kids good friends. Luckily, you are social and I'm sure that you can look around and see if there are other people who might need friends just like you need friends. I hope that things get better for you and that you can get a free trip to Hawaii, or at least to Sonic to get a Diet Coke (that's what I do anyway)
I'm blessed to be able to call you FRIEND! :)
I'm sorry you've been having a rough time. I hope you still consider me a friend even though sometimes I don't think before I speak...
A good cry always helps! And, I know what you're going through with all the "potential jobs" that never seem to work out. We've had our fair share of that ourselves (and are still in the middle of it) and I do know what you mean when you say that friends are blessings the Lord sends us to help us cope! Hang in there! We should try to get together more often because we really don't live THAT far away :) Love you Catherine!
I don't want this sound unsympathetic, because I definitely know we all feel EXACTLY the same way sometimes! But after I read this I reflected on what some of the hardest times in my life were. And the weird thing is, I felt strangely grateful for them (now of course, not at the time!) because they are definitely the experiences I've grown the most from. I know people always say that, but it's true. Hang in there, and thanks for your honesty.
Its so refreshing to have someone actually tell it like it is! We always blog about the fun things in our lives, but its nice to have some honesty in things as well, that way you do not feel like the only one going through stuff. I can completely sympathize with you. When we moved to Cedar, I had just had a new baby (who had RSV), and Kaden had just quit his job to start the company. He was gone all kinds of crazy hours. So I was stuck in this new house with 2 kids and NO FRIENDS and NO HUSBAND. Every time we left St. George to come home I would cry the entire way home. But of course eventually I made friends. Unfortunately, my closest friend just informed me that she is moving at the end of next school year! I know it is a year away, but it still makes me nervous that I won't have her! Isn't if funny the difference a good friend makes in our lives??
I wish we still lived near eachother! I miss your bubbly spirit! It's always hard to acclimate to a new place, since Chris and I have been married we have moved 3 times. It's hard to make new friends and leave the old ones behind. I am dealing with the same things you are, I want a vacation too! If you find those free tickets, get me one too! Hang in there, things always seem to work out in the end!
Hey Catherine, I should tell you that you have been an inspiration to me since I met you in Sister Egan's class. Your love of and devotion to mothering and all the joy you find it truly impress me! Thanks for being my friend. I hope you feel happy again soon - have a good cry - you'll probably feel better. We miss you and Emily!
Way to be for blogging about something real! I wish I lived closer to you, it is hard to feel down or upset when I am around you. I look up to you for your happy bubbly personality and wish that I could be more like that. Thanks for letting me come to the dinner last week it was so fun to just connect with other people and forget about my problems for a little while!
I remember when we were at the Y in our student ward and we all talked about how great it would be when we all left and entered real life. But it isn't all they say. Things are always hectic and sometimes are definitely worse than others. When we moved to Utah I was so depressed I sat and played Dr. Mario all day. I have learned that depression is one thing that Satan controls and is very happy when you are there.
Sometimes you just don't feel like you have control of your life. But there will also be better times.
GG
we love you!
Catherine,
I know it isn't Hawaii, but you could come to Utah Valley and visit with some of us when you feel a need to get away. We all feel like that sometimes. I hope your tomorrow is brighter than your today.
I'm just like Kristen, when I need a break I head to get a Diet Dr Pepper! Sonic's happy hour is 2-4 and it's just seconds away from my house, and I can get a LG one for only 90 cents! Yippee! I have $4 cash right now in my wallet so that should last me a few days, right? I totally understand the moving thing too. I cried most the way to Bakersfield and then cried for days after I got there. I met a great friend or two and then was sad and cried when I moved. And if you ever want to come visit and get a DP, or a chocolate bar and watch the kids swim in my pool, just let me know and I'll set it up and fill it so the water is somewhat warm when you get here. Seriously!
And you are so lucky to be getting Kristal up there soon! Hang in there friend!
You will be just fine...and so will I. :)
Just keep praying and keep your chin up. Thankfully, life DOES go on, and like my mom says, "don't cry because it's over, rejoice that it happened."
I'll miss you too! FYI: it's way too hot and humid to run here. I'm back to working out in the basement.
Loved this post. I admire your honesty. It's so nice to know that I'm not alone in my personal melt down moments. You are the sweetest person ever. People are drawn to your light.
Sorry you're having a rough time...but heh...I'll be moving up there in a month or so. That oughta help, right? Hey, I am seriously going to depend on you when I get up there. I love ya!!
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