Dealing with change

Being the Primary Music Leader is my all-time favorite church calling and has been for the last 3 1/2 years. However, it does take a lot of time and energy and because I'm also serving as the Ward Choir Director, I feel spent. Every year, I work so hard with the children to prepare for the annual Primary Program and the second I'm done with that, I'm busy planning a Christmas Sacrament Meeting Program for the choir along with other musical numbers we can perform throughout December. I feel so much joy serving and helping bring inspirational music to our ward family. But honestly, it is quite exhausting, along with having to wrestle my kids (mostly Jon) during church.

So 2 months ago, I went into the Bishop's office and let him know my honest feelings. I didn't ask for a release. I just let him know I feel worn out trying to do it all. Because we combined wards back in June, I knew there were now others who could serve as Ward Choir Director, and I could spend more time with my family and my other calling as Primary Music Leader. He said that he had already talked with the members of the Bishopric, and they all thought I deserved a break. I was relieved to hear that. But the weeks went by, and I never heard anything, so I continued to prepare the choir for special upcoming performances. This last Sunday, we sang "A Marvelous Work." The choir was sensational! I was very proud of them.

After church, Bishop told me that the time had come, and that I would be released as Choir Director. Of course I broke down into tears, and just said, "Thank you," feeling a huge burden lifted from my shoulders. As I walked home from church, I cried the whole way and thought about the last 2 1/2 years serving in this calling. I remember when I was first called, working with individuals who had sung in the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and other prestigious groups. I was only 23 years old at the time. How could I be their leader and teach them anything? It was the most intimidating experience of my life, but since then, I've grown and learned that I do have much to offer. As I've learned more about music and people, I've been humbled and become a better person.

What's been equally difficult for me is losing the wonderful opportunity I've had babysitting Salote Lauti 2-3 days a week. Her mom, Darcy, is pregnant with twins and is on bed rest in the hospital at 30 weeks along. So Darci's ward members have volunteered to babysit Salote for free to help her out. I knew this was coming, but I didn't know I would hurt so bad losing her. My income from babysitting has paid for groceries, car repairs, and other expenses. But it's not the money I care about as much as what an angel she has been in my life and in our home, and it breaks my heart to let her go. She's like another daughter to me, and Emily adores her more than anything. So after a year and a half of caring for her, potty-training her, getting her to finally drink milk, and teaching her, I will no longer babysit her.

It's been a struggle dealing with these changes and I just needed to get my thoughts out. Thanks for letting me open up.