Dear Jon,

I just don't understand! Since I clipped this

I have been feeling like this

trying to find sanity and peace once again!

You'll never know how difficult it was for me to clip your binky and admit that you're not my baby boy anymore. I kept procrastinating because of the sweet way you asked for it and how you cuddled me more when you had it. What's a mama to do? I just wanted to keep you small forever. What's wrong with that?

But I knew you needed to let it go.

It's been two weeks, and you're still not back to your old self, and I miss you, Jon.

You wake up crying in the middle of the night,

crying for "Mama."

I finally go pick you up, rock you, and put you back down in your crib or else bring you to bed with daddy and me when I'm just too tired to handle the tears, mine and yours. I hold you and you fall asleep on my chest, just like you did as a newborn. It's tender.

Jon, you used to be my champion naper and would nap everyday from 12-3. Lucky mama? Yes, I was I admit. But now, I put you in your room for quiet time and after an hour, I find this.

You just look up at me and say, "Uh, oh, Jonny made a mess!"

Because you haven't been napping, you've been more onery the rest of the day. Remember last week's drama at the grocery store?

Oh. My. Goodness.

I didn't chose the grocery cart that you wanted, so you threw the tantrum of the century for over a 1/2 hour, but I refused to pick you up. I just let you cry and follow me around, telling you every 5 minutes, "I'll be happy to pick you up when you can calm down and be happy." Oh wow, if I had a nickle for every judgemental look I got!!! How dare I not pick up my child when he's upset? At least I got a thumbs up from the guy behind the meat counter. He said, "Way to go. Trainin' him right." I just laughed at his comment. Really, I wanted to cry. Of course I wanted to pick you up. But then I'd teaching you that if you want something, throw a fit, and mama will give in. Well, not this mama, buddy!

You finally calmed down, WITHOUT a bribe. Miracle, I know.

Jon, you make me laugh

And you make me cry...and Emily, too. Check out those bites. Half a dozen a week, and I can't get you to stop. I've tried washing your mouth out with soap, but you just keep biting your sister. It's like the little dog-big dog mentality. I guess it's your way of defending yourself. But I'm tired of it. The hair pulling and pinching needs to stop, too. I'm just beside myself!

You really are a good boy,

definitely ALL boy in fact, unless

your sensitive side comes out. ;)

Jonny boy, I need your help. I need more sleep to happen and less crying, more big-boy talking and less whining, more loving and less fighting.

And I promise I'll try to be more patient and stop locking myself in the bathroom for "mommy time-out."

I love you dear Jon.

Love,

Mama